Three Weeks Ago

by: Keiden

Three weeks ago I was feeling exhausted and weak, spending the day in a hospital bed. This week I am starting to explore my new self a bit more by trying to do some things that I couldn’t do three weeks ago. I was feeling the creative itch and tried making something. My muscles were feeling tight so I tried stretching and yoga.

I started making things again this week and that joy of creation is starting to flow. Shannon picked out a new paracord color for me and I wanted to start small by tying up some monkey fist begleri and key chains. I was a bit worried that tying a monkey fist would be difficult for me now because of the loss of some dexterity in my fingers. Turns out I can tie them just fine, though I can’t tie them as quickly as I used to but my fingers work just fine for tying one up here and there throughout the day.

Today I did yoga and a short meditation for the third day in a row. There are postures in the set that I couldn’t do three weeks ago so it is exciting to feel that improvement. It also feels good to start moving my body again and to be giving it lots of rest. I am still taking naps daily but I have also been more active this week. I’m learning to break the binary of active or restful and discovering that I can be active AND restful.

I have also started getting back into the habit of journaling daily and making to-do lists. Writing by hand is a bit more strenuous than it used to be but I just write what I can and don’t get mad at myself for not being able to write more. I’m just grateful that I can still write at all. When I got back from the hospital I was just focused on the moment I was in and the next one coming, there wasn’t really a whole lot of room in my brain for much more than that. It is helping my brain to start working a bit of structure back into my day-to-day, especially working with a new schedule.

The general schedule that seems to be working for me is waking up between five thirty and six thirty In the morning, stretching or doing yoga first thing and then eating breakfast. After eating I usually want to make something or play my ukulele until I head up to take a nap around ten. When I get up from my nap it is time for lunch, then I sit down for some computer time for a couple of hours. I usually get some video game time in while dinner is cooking and then have some down time with Shannon after dinner. Shannon and I have also started reading in bed together before falling asleep.

Our days don’t always flow seamlessly. There are choppy moments while we figure out this new normal and while I learn my new body limitations. Though there are challenges I still feel an abundance of gratitude for the process of discovery and learning what I am still capable of.