Five Weeks Ago

by: Keiden

More ups and downs this week but I think I am starting to get the hang of moving with the waves instead of trying to fight the flow. Things have improved for me physically in some ways but not in others. With starting to feel better I have been feeling the itch to get out and about but there was barely anytime between the “it’s too hot” and “it’s too rainy” weather so there has been lots of reading this week. I haven’t feel emotionally heavy overall this week and I think part of that is making sure that I give myself the space to process.

I’ve been feeling a bit of cabin fever lately. I haven’t been out much since getting home from the hospital, well not for big trips or social gatherings anyway. Friends have stopped by, I’ve run errands with Shannon, and I’ve done some solo drives to pick up Valhalla from work but that’s not the same as getting out of the house to do something for fun. Music has been helping ease some of the restless feelings and REM has been my music of choice lately. Over the past few months the song “Shiny Happy People” often gets stuck in my head and there is just something about Michael Stipe’s voice that I just find incredibly soothing.

People have encouraged me to go to acupuncture over the years but I wasn’t really comfortable with the idea of a stranger poking me with needles and I know I am not the only one to be a bit particular about who does what to my body; there are very few people that I trust for things like massage and acupuncture. It wasn’t until a friend and mentor started going to school for it and asked my wife and I if we were interested in getting treatments from her to help her clock clinic hours that I ever seriously considered getting acupuncture. So I’ve been going to her for a while now, not exactly regular visits but often enough. It was after a recent appointment that I noticed the tight band feeling in my belly was gone and hasn’t come back. It was over this past week that I realized acupuncture has been helping not only with symptoms but with some of the heavier emotional processing that I need to work through.

Physically things have been improving in that I don’t feel the tingly/numbness over most of my body. The feeling of tingly/numbness has just retreated back to where it started in my hands and arms. I feel a bit more solid on my feet now that I can feel the ground more distinctly beneath my feet. I still try to go barefoot as much as possible so I feel more of that connection, especially when I am tired. The latest MRIs showed that the swelling in my spinal cord is going down and I will get to go over those results in more detail with my doctor tomorrow. It is a mixed bag though, I mean I am incredibly thankful to be feeling better but is this my new baseline now? Is the dexterity in my left hand just gone for good or will it come back slowly? I know that I am going to get some answers tomorrow but I have the feeling I’m going to end up with more questions.